Leave Them Better
The way we train with someone can give them a reason to come back.
A good training partner gives us room to learn, challenges us with control, and keeps their word when a round gets difficult. That trust helps both people keep improving.
Some people can make you question everything you know about jiu jitsu and still be the first person you look for when it’s time to find a sparring partner.
You know the round will be hard. You may spend a considerable amount of it underneath them. You could find that the new escape you’ve been working on may have a few details you missed when you watched it on YouTube.
You want the round anyway.
Somewhere along the way, you’ve learned that you can trust this person. They can challenge you, catch you making mistakes, and make you work for whatever you get. You can also try something, fail, tap, and start again without feeling foolish for having tried.
That’s a good person to have in the room.
It’s also a good person to be.
Terms and Conditions
We usually arrive at class with some interest in our own improvement. We want to work on a position, fix something that keeps going wrong, or finally get a move to work on someone who knows it’s coming.
Those are good reasons to train. The person across from us has reasons too.
Whatever their reason, we have a part in how that goes.
A little conversation can help. “Anything you’re working on?” gives someone a chance to tell us. So does being honest about what we want from the round.
Sometimes those agreements become more interesting when the round starts going badly for us.
If we said we were happy to keep things light and our partner passed our guard, we might have the sudden urge to fight our way back. Or we catch a submission and our partner doesn’t tap. We tell ourselves they should have, and use that to justify pulling harder instead of letting it go and moving on.
These seem like small moments, but people notice them. They learn whether we mean what we say when we’re under pressure. They learn whether they can trust us to control a submission, respect a tap, and keep our frustration from becoming their problem.
Good Problems to Have
Over time, that affects how willing they are to train with us and what they’re willing to try when they do.
There’s room for plenty of difficulty in that kind of trust. A partner who keeps finding the same opening can help us recognize a bad habit our other partners haven’t been catching. Someone who makes us work to finish a sweep gives us a chance to find out what the technique actually requires.
We can leave a hard round tired, mildly annoyed at our own decisions, and eager to have another go.
We can also make adjustments when someone is overwhelmed. Slow the exchange down. Give them time to recognize the problem in front of them. If they ask how something happened, work through it together. Sometimes a brief answer and another attempt or quick walkthrough are enough.
And this goes both ways, regardless of experience.
A newer student contributes every time they give an honest reaction, communicate what they need, or make an experienced partner adjust. Being attentive and dependable is available at every belt. We all have something to offer the person working with us.
A Reason to Come Back
Leaving someone better can mean they understand a position more clearly. It can mean they found something they need to practice. Sometimes it means they had a difficult class and still left feeling welcome, capable of learning, and interested in coming back.
We won’t always know what someone took from a round. Progress can be hard to see, even when we’re the person making it. But we can pay attention to how we treat the people helping us make ours.
The next time we look around for a partner, someone else is looking too.
Hopefully, they’re glad we showed up.
See you on the mats.
Joshua is the owner and head coach at 608 Jiu Jitsu in Cross Plains, Wisconsin. He writes about learning, problem solving, and becoming a better training partner through jiu jitsu.